Several years ago I had an opportunity to spend some time with someone that provided a light into my own life. Has that ever happened to you? I can't say that it was pleasant even though the individual was really a nice person. There was a particular part of his personality that always struck me the wrong way. It was quite irritating to be honest. And I couldn't quite figure out why. The more I was around him, the more disturbed I became. Until it hit me one day. The characteristics in his personality was strikingly similar to my own. The very thing that irritated me about him, I had to be honest and admit, that I was the same way!
It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to admit to myself. It was physically painful. I went to the only One I knew that would understand. I fell on my knees and called out to the Lord and asked for forgiveness. You see, I spent my life looking at every situation through the lens of "what about me". Every situation and every thing a loved one said was a litmus test to "what about me". No wonder I was miserable most of the time. How can anyone ever measure up? How could I ever be content always looking for others to validate me?
Pitiful I know. I wish I could say that I have overcome this beast, but I have not. I can say that I am aware of it and there are moments when I am indeed victorious. But not as many times as I should be. I am trying to grasp the truth that my existence and my value rest in my faith and my relationship to God and how He sees me.
I wonder, have you seen it in yourself? Am I one of the few that suffer from this malady? When I look back on my life I see a selfish, self serving individual. Yes I can see good points too, however much to often the "what about me" beast ruled the day. I know I have hurt and disappointed others with this silliness. So this is for all of you that have had the opportunity to see me in "beast mode" though out my life, or have seen others in similar mind sets. We know who we are and we are trying to overcome!
God bless you all.... family and friends.
This is a really interesting post. I think we all fall into that trap at times. Remember, if we were perfect, we would not need God's help. We are all a work in progress. i think selfishness is a kind of immature approach to life. Children inherently want things for themselves, and need to be taught how to share. It does not come naturally at the primal level. That said, I think, with effort, we can all improve our character, bit by bit, by paying attention. Recognizing the problem is the first step. Congratulations! It shows your good character that you care about it and are comfortable enough to even write about it. Writing about this may help others, and that is an unselfish act. Thank you.
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